Unspoken Dreams
by Firefly Dust
Summary: not all loves live happily ever after....thomas/fiona


Unspoken Dreams 

**_By Kinmoku Minlight_**

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I do NOT own Zoids…wish I did…

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            It's not fair. Her laugh used to fill my ears, but now, all I hear is silence. Why did she have to go? She'd never hurt anyone, friend or foe. She was so vulnerable and so kind…she made me so mad sometimes…I guess that's why I loved her so much.

I will remember you 

_Will you remember me?_

            She used to tell me, 'I believe in you.' She was right to. Every time she said that, I won. I won every battle, every fight and every argument. But now that she's not here, it feels like I've lost grip of what winning feels like. I've failed a few missions, much to Herman's disappointment. Well, whatever. It's not like he can go do anything.

            One time, she caught me crying. Talk about embarrassing. I could just imagine what Van would've said. Mother had passed away…it was kind of a shock. Her village was attacked. I should have been there. I was the one that was supposed to protect her. I should've been there, with Bik, ready to kill whoever set foot within a mile of our Village. But, I didn't. Go figure. Well, she put her hand on my shoulder. She didn't say a word, but I guess, sometimes, that whenever you say nothing it's better then rambling on and on. It was like she was telling me it was all going to be all right. It was like she was saying to me that I was her hero, no matter what.

Don't let you pass you by 

_Weep not for the memories_

            She was fun, too. Every time we were out in a field, she would run like a child and then play tag. Van and I never played, but she was pleased with chasing her shadow. Like a maniac, she would giggle and fall and stare into the sky. She acted like a small child, so innocent in her play, so gullible in her beliefs. I would do anything to play with her now.

Remember all the good times we had? 

_I let them slip away from us when things got bad._

            It was kind of funny the first time we met. I thought she was a mother of two children. The children were kind of ugly and I questioned the father's appearance. But when she turned around, it was like she was like the sun that had appeared behind the clouds. It was then I realized she had fallen for Van instead of me. How I made this decision, I don't know, but it was something that came with instinct.

How clearly I first saw you smiling in the sun Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one 

            But as she lay on her deathbed, it was something I couldn't bear Her frail form just laying there. Her face carried a small smile as she inhaled and exhaled. Van was out on a mission and refused to travel a far distance back, no matter how sick Fiona was. What a selfish jackass, I thought. The methodic rhythm of her breathing comforted me as if she was singing me a lullaby. I felt so unholy to be sitting in her presence. Even as she was dying, she brought me that same feeling of humility.

I will remember you 

_Will you remember me?_

As she lay there, she whispered something. I couldn't quite guess if she was talking to me, or to Van, if she thought he was there. She said the wisest words of wisdom spoken that I've ever heard or read. It's funny, a seventeen-year-old carried more wisdom and integrity then that of a seven-hundred-year old.

Don't let your life pass you by 

_Weep not for the memories_

And then she went…

The rain pelted outside as I stopped reminiscing about Fiona. She wasn't mine to hold, she was Van's. I kept working on a tiny machine that would boost Bik's capabilities. The clock started to beep and I saw it was three in the morning. My bones ached and I felt tired. I laid on my bed and stare at the ceiling. I wonder where Fiona is now…could she be my guardian angel? I laughed at my own stupidity. She was something so complex that no one could understand her. But her eyes were puddles of something that could destroy or create anew. Her naivety made us all laugh. Maybe that was just her way of bringing us joy… 

  
  
I'm so tired but I can't sleep 

Standin' on the edge of something much too deep  
  


            I think she loved me too. That's what bothers me so much, I never found out if she did love me. But I guess, it was the way she looked at me. It held something different. Maybe it was the way she playfully laughed at me when I did something wrong or made a stupid comment that was usually only funny to Bik. Of course, I programmed him to laugh every time I made a stupid comment. But, he's a machine, what does he know? 

            Even if she did love me, what could she say? Van would probably rip me to shreds and Irvine would probably shoot me when I was asleep. Hell, I don't even want to think about Moonbay. Doctor D would do something to my D Bison, I know it. Fiona's was like a daughter to him.

            But, I think, our love would be something beautiful. Something that was only exchanged in glances of one another was what it would be. It would be something that the quantity was so great, words could not define it.

It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word

We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard.

            I could've told her, I know I could have. But to tell the truth, I was, well afraid. Yes, that's right, Thomas Richard Shoebaltz was afraid of the truth. I was afraid of being kicked out of the military; of being bashed in the face by Moonbay. But as I look back, all of those fears seem irrational. What man was ever kicked out of the military by love?

I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose

Clinging to the past that doesn't let me choose

            Once, I sat on the watchtower. The rain beat down on my back, soaking my clothes. I felt stupid. I knew what I was thinking, that I needed an umbrella. But, what else, I'm not quite sure. She climbed up and stood beside me, soaked body and all.

'Miss Fiona, shouldn't you be inside?'

'Shouldn't you?' 

When I didn't answer she laughed.

'You're one in a million, Thomas.' She said.

            She stood with me for hours. We didn't talk. We didn't look at each other. It wasn't awkward, just beautiful. It just goes to show how much emotions can be shared without a single word.

Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night

You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

            Fiona was one in the entire universe. She had soft hands and a soft heart. She wasn't afraid to give and wasn't concerned what she got back. She would be unsure of everything but what she was sure of. I'm not even sure who she was before I met her, that's something between her and Van. But, I'm sure, as long as I may live, I will never forget Fiona Elise Lynette.

And I will remember you

Will you remember me?

Don't your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

Weep not for the memories…


End file.
